A Summer's Tale

June in Istanbul, July in Vienna, August in Rome, and September in Dublin. A month to say my goodbyes, one to remember my past, one to bask in the sun, and one to start my new life.

In Istanbul, I learned the fear of moving away. I had for the first time in my life a question that until that month I only knew as a song, should I stay or should I go? I could feel the sense of belonging in this city, that I was where I was meant to be. Finally, there was a community surrounding me that I could see myself growing within. I was not used to wanting to stay somewhere after all these years of constant movement - it was very much a feeling completely unknown to me. and yet here I was. I had to now let go of all those that made me who I was today, people in whom I saw myself. A growing community, neighbors I'd be happy to see, shopkeepers, baristas and waiters that remembered me, a neighborhood I knew so well I finally called a place home. Why would I leave it all for a completely fresh start elsewhere? This was something I had never considered before in all the times we moved around. I never really needed a reason to move. It was simply the begin of a new chapter, turning the page over to a blank one where I was free to write whatever struck my heart.

In Vienna, I sat and reflected on all that had been. I had made a list of things I wanted to do and only left one thing undone, one so that I may come back. A part of me didn't know whether I would in fact ever come back. This may be when I say goodbye to my childhood. I knew soon I'd be in a completely different stage of my life and that I was currently only in limbo, at a tipping point, wondering what I'd lose once it would start. I met a lot of my friends from my past, people who knew the different versions of me as I grew and changed over the years. They knew where I came from but had stopped occupying a space at my side a long time ago. No less were they precious and no less was the time with them reflective and valuable. I spent a lot of my time alone. I also spent a lot of time at friends' places. Everyone had already moved on with their lives and I only fit in between shifts, breaks and days off. So I'd see them at their houses as we sat and reflected on all that once was.

In Rome, I fell in love all over again. I had left this city not thinking I would ever really see her again. And yet this time around, it was really just the two of us. Just myself and those cobbled streets surrounded by citric-colored buildings and cacti growing in the oddest of spots. I made every minute count as I got to know her better on a more meaningful and deeper level. What did it feel like when we were left alone, when I wasn't too busy offering my goodbyes to all the friends I had made here? Being here gave me all the energy I needed that was missing yet from the summer. Squinting under the scorching Italian sun as I started my mornings with a cappuccino e cornetto I asked myself, could there be a beginning in a place I previously dismissed as an unlikely fit? 

In Dublin, I plunged straight into icy waters. I've often discussed the concept of putting on a new mask when arriving somewhere new, of applying change and experiencing growth in the space given to us through the anonymity of the new place - but life was changing at a pace I wasn't sure I wanted to keep up with. The train had taken us to a stop I got off at and now I felt slightly lost. Surrounded by endless greenery, deep black soil turned to mud under the incessant rain, and a heron hiding along the Dodder river by my house - I couldn't quite figure out how I felt here just yet. A part of me felt like I had gotten off the wrong station, another part of me thought this was to be the perfect spot for a short layover, a picnic in the forest, as I waited for the next train that would take me down my path and further on wherever I was meant to be.

Each summer so far has kept exceeding its predecessors. This summer has by far been the most emotional one as I learned how sensitive I can truly be sometimes. On many of these sun-filled days I found myself unable to stop myself from breaking down. Even the smallest things would reveal themselves to be keys to my tear-dam. The sunlight hitting my face, the flavors filling my mouth, the water enveloping my body. Especially the glistening eyes of my friends as they looked at me, or past me, knowing I'd never be able to keep them close. So until the summer sun rises once again in the early hours of a morning so far away, I live my life reflecting on how good it's been so far.

Saying my goodbyes to Istanbul and its people. A lot of people stood behind the camera for this shot as I trekked in front of them leading them down the hill towards my favorite beach on the islands.

My mother overlooking Vienna before her departure to Dublin where I'm to follow her pending my pitstop in Rome. She wonders whether moving around is any real solution to one's problems or whether we are rather made to stay in a single place.

Overlooking Sperlonga I couldn't help but wonder whether life might be better enjoyed under the Italian sun.

The Heron in Dublin who eyes me with the same indifference every time I spot him before he flies off into the distance.