Solace In The First Night

As the clock strikes midnight, I glance around me. It's the just the four of us. If this is how this year is going to start then let it foreshadow what's to come. In the background we hear Chet Baker, we hear Fairuz, Dean Martin, and Frank Ocean - all of them playing at any given moment, running and twirling around on the record player as though they were in the room dancing with us. The lights are dimmed, our laughter is  unsuppressed by the music, nothing louder in the room than our own exhilarated smiles. We spread ourselves on the L-shaped couch and on the large Persian-style carpet as we joke, we mock, and we tease. We communicate our appreciation through our presence but hide it between our words. Every now and then we lift the veil and speak our hearts in moments of bluntness. "I couldn't be happier right now", one admits as we each throw the poker chips into the pot from our spots on the round table. We're very vocal and very loud, but you've got to listen carefully to hear what we may not be saying openly. 

Tonight sums up all the nights we've spent together. We discuss and debate, we remember and reflect. Another year has passed and we've now known each other for quite some time. For us this is as far as it gets. This is as deep as we go. This is as good a friendship as we can ever hope to have. We truly care. In the most safe space, a sense of vulnerability is in the air. It's just the four of us and nothing else matters. Even as the clock strikes midnight and we slip into the new year, we have no tangible notion that anyone else exists outside those four walls. For the time being, it almost feels as though everything simply froze outside. 

That's when my phone suddenly rings. A voice on the other end informs me that the New Year celebrations went smoothly, that the firework show was a success. "Happy new year!", I exclaim and shut my phone. Tonight was going to be just about us. How exactly the hours went by until the sun rose and we fell asleep I cannot exactly recall. I only remember being truly and utterly content. We often ask ourselves of the value of friendship, but only now do I truly realize what it's like to see and to feel seen, to listen and to be heard, to surround and be surrounded, by those closest to you. You can't choose family, but real friends are one fulfilling way to add to it.

I rarely really celebrate New Years. January is always the month I enjoy the least. It feels like I've always found myself stuck at home studying and preparing for exams, waiting for the weather to pass, catching the winter blues, looking out the window picturing the days to come. I never liked this hibernating month. But being surrounded by my friends that night, in an empty apartment neither one of us lived in, as the host who invited us left us alone until dawn, just felt like for a moment everything came to a halt. It felt like for the 24 hours that we spent together I could forget all my woes, my responsibilities, and everything that was nibbling away at the back of my head.

I don't want to wonder where I'll be spending the next new years. Tonight is all about here and now, all about us. So may we cherish the years to come as we cherish this bond we have.