The Fate-Changing Bee
This is just a story I should have written a long time ago. It's about how things in life are always meant to be and that nothing happens for no reason. It's all maktub, written. Our lives are defined by the opportunities we take, and the ones we miss. And yet sometimes, none of it is up to us, right?
Three years ago, in the summer of 2017, I found myself facing a pass-or-fail exam for German class. It was going to take place in the first week of September and would determine whether I was allowed to continue into the 12th grade or not. For such an exam with so much weight on it, I spent many summer days studying for it. I wasn't going to let it ruin my summer though, and in fact, it made the summer very memorable for me.
I would wake up in the mornings before sunrise and go up to the rooftop where I'd sit down and study with the sun rising and the city waking up. Vienna is a very calm city either way, but during those mornings there wasn't a single sound except my pen flowing and the papers rattling. There's something peaceful, even comforting, knowing that the people you love are all asleep in their beds where nothing can harm them. Another thing about Vienna to note is that the city is pretty flat, and most buildings are built with a certain height restriction which makes for a very even skyline. Now being on the rooftop I would be able to see the whole city. I'd stay there until midday then I'd go down for a brunch. After that, it was either running, basketball, or meeting friends. I'd then spend the whole day out with friends riding bikes, walking around, sitting around, and talking. I'd come back home early and spend some time with my family before sleeping early to restart my day. A very tranquil summer I will never forget.
Then the first week of September came along. I was feeling well prepared for my exam and went with confidence (but then again, I always do so that doesn't mean much). You see, I believe worrying for anything only makes it worse. If I studied well then I'll do my best during the exam and not give it much thought before or after it. I do find myself uncontrollably excited right before and during exams, though. A feeling that makes me smile so stupidly. Every exam is a surprise (I feel my father's judging look in my back as he says "There shouldn't be any reason for you to be surprised if you had prepared yourself well!") and I'm always so excited to see what surprises are hidden between those papers.
The exam is split into a written part and an oral part. You have to pass both of them or at least excel in one. It's such an unusual feeling taking this exam. You spent your summer doing what nobody else does and now you walk towards a school filled only with a few examiners and several students like you. You walk in through the heavy doors and you are greeted with a sense of calmness. Never do you see the school this empty. This time you're not overwhelmed by a stampede of running kids, laughter and talk, teachers yelling and parents reassuring kids that "it will be fine and you'll make friends". You don't see all the colorful backpacks and the scooters and skateboards. Nobody is there to welcome you. You begin walking up the stairs and towards the exam room with all your thoughts twirling and dancing in your head. While most of your friends are sleeping at this time, you're walking towards a battle of fate.
So here I am. I sit down for my written part and allow my pen to flow on paper glancing through the window onto the empty road. During exams, I like to sit next to a window to have something to distract me. I daydream a lot and especially so during this exam. I imagine how I'll tell my parents about it, how I'll meet my friends afterward and everything I want to do - or what will change in my life if I don't pass. I'm already shaking with excitement because I know I'm doing so well. I had prepared all summer for this moment. Two hours later I'm done! I am overwhelmed with joy because it was, in my opinion at least, the best essay I had ever written in German so far and I was so proud of myself. Already putting my thoughts into sentences to tell my parents and imagining how proud they will be, I pack my things and leave for my break.
I get a break of around an hour until the oral exam. I leave the building and stroll down to the supermarket Billa. So much is going on in my head and I can't stop smiling. The fresh breeze of air, the people walking around me, nobody knowing what I've come out of just right now - it all makes me feel so enthusiastic. I buy a banana, a Topfengolatsche, a smoothie drink, and make my way to the park. I want to surround myself with nature and have a meal of everything I love before my oral exam. Mental preppp, am I right? I call my father on the way there and share with him the news. Thrilled!!
Before I even start with the banana, I get a call from an unknown number. It's my German language teacher at the school. I really don't know what to think at this point - how'd she get my number? Why was she calling me? Well, this is where it all starts going downhill. She asks me where my exam paper is. I don't understand, she should have it. She asks me again, "did you hand it in?". I did! I gave it to the examiner before I left the room, I gave it to him and was really excited about the whole thing. "I can't find it, where is it?" she asks me. I tell her to wait for a moment and rip open my backpack. Now guess what I find inside it!!! Running, tripping, and sprinting back to school and handing in my paper didn't help my case. My professor insisted she would not be able to accept it as I might have changed it. Wooow, her lack of trust in me broke my heart. I get 0 on the possibly best exam paper I have ever written after all these summer days of studying for it. But hey, she tells me I can still make up for it by doing really good in my oral exam...
Her lack of trust and decision to not accept my paper should have in no way been a surprise. My experience in Austria has always been that teachers in public schools had zero ability of being supportive, caring, or in any way loving. I would never do anything good, I'd only ever have mistakes I could fix.
Three years ago, in the summer of 2017, I found myself facing a pass-or-fail exam for German class. It was going to take place in the first week of September and would determine whether I was allowed to continue into the 12th grade or not. For such an exam with so much weight on it, I spent many summer days studying for it. I wasn't going to let it ruin my summer though, and in fact, it made the summer very memorable for me.
I would wake up in the mornings before sunrise and go up to the rooftop where I'd sit down and study with the sun rising and the city waking up. Vienna is a very calm city either way, but during those mornings there wasn't a single sound except my pen flowing and the papers rattling. There's something peaceful, even comforting, knowing that the people you love are all asleep in their beds where nothing can harm them. Another thing about Vienna to note is that the city is pretty flat, and most buildings are built with a certain height restriction which makes for a very even skyline. Now being on the rooftop I would be able to see the whole city. I'd stay there until midday then I'd go down for a brunch. After that, it was either running, basketball, or meeting friends. I'd then spend the whole day out with friends riding bikes, walking around, sitting around, and talking. I'd come back home early and spend some time with my family before sleeping early to restart my day. A very tranquil summer I will never forget.
Then the first week of September came along. I was feeling well prepared for my exam and went with confidence (but then again, I always do so that doesn't mean much). You see, I believe worrying for anything only makes it worse. If I studied well then I'll do my best during the exam and not give it much thought before or after it. I do find myself uncontrollably excited right before and during exams, though. A feeling that makes me smile so stupidly. Every exam is a surprise (I feel my father's judging look in my back as he says "There shouldn't be any reason for you to be surprised if you had prepared yourself well!") and I'm always so excited to see what surprises are hidden between those papers.
The exam is split into a written part and an oral part. You have to pass both of them or at least excel in one. It's such an unusual feeling taking this exam. You spent your summer doing what nobody else does and now you walk towards a school filled only with a few examiners and several students like you. You walk in through the heavy doors and you are greeted with a sense of calmness. Never do you see the school this empty. This time you're not overwhelmed by a stampede of running kids, laughter and talk, teachers yelling and parents reassuring kids that "it will be fine and you'll make friends". You don't see all the colorful backpacks and the scooters and skateboards. Nobody is there to welcome you. You begin walking up the stairs and towards the exam room with all your thoughts twirling and dancing in your head. While most of your friends are sleeping at this time, you're walking towards a battle of fate.
So here I am. I sit down for my written part and allow my pen to flow on paper glancing through the window onto the empty road. During exams, I like to sit next to a window to have something to distract me. I daydream a lot and especially so during this exam. I imagine how I'll tell my parents about it, how I'll meet my friends afterward and everything I want to do - or what will change in my life if I don't pass. I'm already shaking with excitement because I know I'm doing so well. I had prepared all summer for this moment. Two hours later I'm done! I am overwhelmed with joy because it was, in my opinion at least, the best essay I had ever written in German so far and I was so proud of myself. Already putting my thoughts into sentences to tell my parents and imagining how proud they will be, I pack my things and leave for my break.
I get a break of around an hour until the oral exam. I leave the building and stroll down to the supermarket Billa. So much is going on in my head and I can't stop smiling. The fresh breeze of air, the people walking around me, nobody knowing what I've come out of just right now - it all makes me feel so enthusiastic. I buy a banana, a Topfengolatsche, a smoothie drink, and make my way to the park. I want to surround myself with nature and have a meal of everything I love before my oral exam. Mental preppp, am I right? I call my father on the way there and share with him the news. Thrilled!!
Before I even start with the banana, I get a call from an unknown number. It's my German language teacher at the school. I really don't know what to think at this point - how'd she get my number? Why was she calling me? Well, this is where it all starts going downhill. She asks me where my exam paper is. I don't understand, she should have it. She asks me again, "did you hand it in?". I did! I gave it to the examiner before I left the room, I gave it to him and was really excited about the whole thing. "I can't find it, where is it?" she asks me. I tell her to wait for a moment and rip open my backpack. Now guess what I find inside it!!! Running, tripping, and sprinting back to school and handing in my paper didn't help my case. My professor insisted she would not be able to accept it as I might have changed it. Wooow, her lack of trust in me broke my heart. I get 0 on the possibly best exam paper I have ever written after all these summer days of studying for it. But hey, she tells me I can still make up for it by doing really good in my oral exam...
Her lack of trust and decision to not accept my paper should have in no way been a surprise. My experience in Austria has always been that teachers in public schools had zero ability of being supportive, caring, or in any way loving. I would never do anything good, I'd only ever have mistakes I could fix.
I brush it off and walk back to the park. I still have some time to finish my meal. The trees are tower above me, kids laugh in the playground, I call my father again to let him know what happened. It's all kind of funny in hindsight. And yet, it gets better. I drink my smoothie and munch that Topfengolatsche (what an odd name for a pastry, doesn't sound appetizing at all) and take a bite out of my banana. WAIT. Something feels strange. The banana is crunchy. I don't think much of it at first, you know how sometimes bananas are just weird. It's not supposed to hurt though...
At this point, the banana is starting to worry me. I spit it out and notice a smashed bee in there- "A WHAT?", you may ask... A bee was having some of my banana when I took that bite. How harmless. I was munching it to death and once it realized what was going on it must have tried to escape by stinging my tongue! Imagine suddenly the lights go dark, you feel like you're moving and you find yourself in somebody's mouth. I would have also tried to sting their tongue. It hurts so much and I already feel my tongue swelling. I take my backpack and run to look for a bathroom. The nearest place I find is a bar where I go in asking for the bathroom. This is where I realize I can't talk because my tongue is not cooperating. Once in the bathroom, I pull out the sting which, yes, is still stuck in my tongue. At the same time, my phone starts vibrating notifying me that my oral exam starts soon. Goddamit... You can imagine how this goes on.
The look on my professor's face. "You can still try...", she suggests. How dare she. Do I even need to describe the rest of my day? I failed the written exam by misplacing my paper and taking it with me out of sheer excitement. I failed the oral exam by being stung in the tongue out of all places and not being able to properly talk. At this point, all I can do is laugh.
The aftermath of all this is that I am held back a year. I do not continue with my friends on to the final class but am thrown into a new class of younger kids which I enter feeling like a granddad (okay, I'm exaggerating. Some of them were older than me...). Now, what does this all mean? It means I won't graduate high school in 2018 but will have to spend an extra year here. But wait- it also gives me an opportunity to do something out of the ordinary. I spend that year with my new friends (but I still hung out with my old friends after school) and at the end of it, I decide to move to Istanbul for my senior year.
Hey! This means that instead of spending my last high school year in Vienna, I get to switch schools one last time!! That bee, may it rest in peace, gave me the opportunity to have an additional year in high school, an additional adventure in another country. I had been wishing for this. I didn't want to sit in the same high school for so long. Istanbul, here I come!
This was the beginning of so many stories, adventures, and moments I will never forget. I wish everyone could be pushed into adventure and experience the thrill, but maybe in a more gentle manner. Bees hurt...
At this point, the banana is starting to worry me. I spit it out and notice a smashed bee in there- "A WHAT?", you may ask... A bee was having some of my banana when I took that bite. How harmless. I was munching it to death and once it realized what was going on it must have tried to escape by stinging my tongue! Imagine suddenly the lights go dark, you feel like you're moving and you find yourself in somebody's mouth. I would have also tried to sting their tongue. It hurts so much and I already feel my tongue swelling. I take my backpack and run to look for a bathroom. The nearest place I find is a bar where I go in asking for the bathroom. This is where I realize I can't talk because my tongue is not cooperating. Once in the bathroom, I pull out the sting which, yes, is still stuck in my tongue. At the same time, my phone starts vibrating notifying me that my oral exam starts soon. Goddamit... You can imagine how this goes on.
The look on my professor's face. "You can still try...", she suggests. How dare she. Do I even need to describe the rest of my day? I failed the written exam by misplacing my paper and taking it with me out of sheer excitement. I failed the oral exam by being stung in the tongue out of all places and not being able to properly talk. At this point, all I can do is laugh.
The aftermath of all this is that I am held back a year. I do not continue with my friends on to the final class but am thrown into a new class of younger kids which I enter feeling like a granddad (okay, I'm exaggerating. Some of them were older than me...). Now, what does this all mean? It means I won't graduate high school in 2018 but will have to spend an extra year here. But wait- it also gives me an opportunity to do something out of the ordinary. I spend that year with my new friends (but I still hung out with my old friends after school) and at the end of it, I decide to move to Istanbul for my senior year.
Hey! This means that instead of spending my last high school year in Vienna, I get to switch schools one last time!! That bee, may it rest in peace, gave me the opportunity to have an additional year in high school, an additional adventure in another country. I had been wishing for this. I didn't want to sit in the same high school for so long. Istanbul, here I come!
This was the beginning of so many stories, adventures, and moments I will never forget. I wish everyone could be pushed into adventure and experience the thrill, but maybe in a more gentle manner. Bees hurt...
Hope your tongue is alright 🤞🏻
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